As a result of my anxiety, I also experience panic attacks. I have become so overwhelmed with fear, at times, I could hardly function at all. When the panic overcomes me, I hyperventilate, get sick to my stomach, and my throat gets tight. It becomes difficult to swallow and to breathe, and it can feel like I am choking. At that moment, all I want to do is flee from what I perceive is causing my anxiety. The other physical symptoms I get can also be distressing. When it is time for my menstruation, I've been housebound because, at unexpected times, the bleeding would come in a flood or gush and cover my clothing. It reeks havoc on my bowels too and can cause constant diarrhea, and at its worst, you loose total control and go to the bathroom on yourself. Always anticipating what was to come, I lived in a constant state of anxiety and fear and have worried incessantly for as long as I can remember.
What did I fear you ask? Was something going to happen to my husband or children today? If they were a little late getting home, my mind would always go to the worst case scenario. Instead of thinking they stopped off at the store or stopped to get gas, I would think they had been in a car accident. When I would babysit other children, my anxiety level would be so high, because I always feared the child might get hurt in my care; then the parents would think it was my fault; then they might sue me, and on and on the thoughts would go. I always worried about my health, and whenever I did have something wrong with me, again my mind always went to the worst case scenario-- I have breast cancer, bowel cancer, or bladder cancer. I feared being in social situations, being alone, and of going places alone. I have even worried about whether someone was going to ring my door bell that day. When my anxiety is extremely high, I have passed out in public. Most of the time, I didn't go anywhere alone and still don't like to. Even now that I feel my anxiety is pretty well under control, I still experience my mind going blank at times, and I still tremble and get nervous and stumble over my words when I'm asked a question, or even just in ordinary conversation. Panic attacks are extremely embarrassing can cause you to lose control physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Why Can't I?
It gets a grasp around me,
And tightens up its hold,
A bucket of emotions,
Quickly, then unfold.
Anxiety and fear,
With immobilizing power,
Turn life upside down,
Then proceed to devour.
Some handle life's pressures,
Without emotions running high,
They function normally,
So why can't I?
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